Thinking like this has made me realize that a portion of my negativity is jealousy or envy. That's on me and has just created a lot of lost time.
I realize this is so vague. There's nothing specific here. What is specific is what caused the change.
"And how could I not think of us all, of what it means to be comrades, of what we do to one another.
And aren’t we fucked in how perhaps none of us want to be the sucker. To be the one to keep chasing that thing, that red thread, of running after its cracks, until you realize you are alone, not because you’ve swallowed the rest, but because everyone else only talked a big game, just put dialectics in their smooth mouths as a waiting mechanism, made of negation a decoration, while all the while just waiting to get a proper job, to land a family, to pay back their debt, to write a “good book.” Aren’t we pathetic to be afraid to be the one who didn’t get the message of what is really going on."
-Evan Calder Williams, Roman LettersYou can read this essay here. You can read another really great essay here. You can buy the book here. You can be positive exactly where you are.